Saturday, March 19, 2011

an apology, a favor and this and that

Hello friends!  I can not thank you enough for being here for me, even though it is silently sometimes.  I can feel those who are thinking of me. and that means the world to me you have no idea!

I am sooo very sorry I have not been posting, and I have not been replying to any comments.  As most of you already know I am going through a really rough patch right now, emotionally.  I have some family issues, actually I have a LOT of family issues, but one in particular is bad.

I have decided I definitely need to cleanse the house (of negative energy etc). I intend to do a complete walk around the outside and then a full walk around each room in the house. I am still so new that I do not know exactly how to do it. I have 2 smudges a sage one and a white sage one...which is better?  Also the word "smudge' gives me an images of me rubbing it on something, but from what little I have been able to glean from books and friends, that is not the case. It seems, it is to lit and let it smoke, and wave the smoke around.  Is there a special way to do it, do I need to have a feather or a shell, and how do I use those?  I have already been working on the chant I will use.  Do I need to wait til the full moon to do this?

Then I need to work on a protection spell for myself, possibly Ron also, though he was not the one threatened.

I have been sleeping very irregularly and also missing doses of my meds which is not good. some it doesn't matter too much but the anti-depressant and anti-anxiety it definitely matters! It seems the times I should be taking them, is the times I find myself sound asleep.  Considering the fact that normally I do not sleep so deeply, I am feeling this is somehow related to the negativity, and is yet another pitfall for me.  I have been having fitful dreams, some scary, some just very bizarre, but many of them have my son in them.  I find my depression is creeping back with a vengeance, I have had some weepy periods and I haven't much ambition.  there is also negativity coming at Ron and I in other forms...finances to be precise. In January we had money in the escrow for the mortgage, now in march they are telling us there there is a large shortage and want us to pay another $500 per month, which we simply can not do. We are going to look into this of course, but nonetheless, it is very troubling.  if that is not enough, a creditor out of the blue, is back, and now threatening with garnishment of Ron's wages.  my WC attorney has twice written them and told them of my case that my willingness to pay them, when I get my settlement. Both times they never replied to him, and months go by before they contact us again.  This time it was with the court papers for garnishment.
Ron says he'll quit his job before he'll let them do that...of course that will just make things worse, but I know how he feels.

The "spare" vehicle that was purchased for both my son and I to use (mostly son) is now acting up, and I am afraid to drive it anywhere. I sooo need to go visit my mom, but she is nearly 2 hours away, and I am very afraid to drive the car there.

So, that is all that is going on with me, in my daily life.  Healthwise I am going for a pelvic US and my mammo on 4/12 (there is supposedly a cyst or something by my right ovary...been there since my last bought with kidney stones-over 2 years)  I am having my semi-regular upper endoscopy done on 4/25 to check if the erosion found in 2004, has not become a full blown ulcer.  I am still looking for a Rheumatologist and have to see them and probably undergo more testing  due to my elevated sed rate and positive ANAs.  Quite frankly I dread going to any of these, as I have a feeling of impending doom, and I already have so many health and physical issues.  My cervical spine and all it's issues has been acting up big time, with making my entire left shoulder and arm  painful yet numb and dead feeling, the other day I dropped a cup.

I have to go BACK to see the 2 quacks the Hospital sent me to once before (for my WC case) both of which are on the other side of the state and very inconvenient, even in their appt times. one is at night, and the other very early in the morning, so Ron has to take the day off.

I do not get it, WC doctors are more aware of the handicapped, so why do they make it so difficult to get in to see them?

Right now I feel like I am just under way too much pressure. I just want to sleep and forget everything.

If you have read this far, thank you. so there is the this and that, and the favor is woven through it.
I'd like to ask for your thoughts, prayers, candles, spells etc for positive things, for protection, for release of negativity around me, for some peace, for some healing, for some signs of good to come. for anything I missed that you can think of.  I also would like to ask for help with how to do my cleansing and protection seeking.

Again I ask all of you for your forgiveness in not answering your comments or posting more these days.  I am working on remeding that.

much love and many blessings to you all,
Susan

10 comments:

Dark Mother said...

I don't think your apologies are necessary honey, this is your blog and if you've got personal stuff to take care of, your readers will be here when you are finished.

As for the protection for your house, it is a super full moon in Virgo today so it is perfect time for some magic....that happens to be my specialty. Here's what I suggest:

1. Light a white candle (any size) and ask your Spirit Guide (or guardian angel) for protection during this Ritual as well as in your every day life.

2. Charge a very large black candle for protection. engrave a pentagram into it.

3. Charge a very large green candle for the inflow of money. engrave a dollar sign into it.

4. Charge a very large red candle for health. engrave whatever symbol you use for wealth into it. I use an apple.

5. In a small/medium sized bowl add salt, basil, cloves, and dill if you have it. Circle your property clockwise while sprinkling the mixture and chanting your chant.

6. Now for the inside. If you have some Protection oil use that. If not, take olive oil and soak a glove of garlic in it for a good hour or so (heating it a bit will help as well). Walk around every single window and door in your house. Dip your finger into the oil and trace a pentagram on top of every single door and window. Say your chant.

7. If you are comfortable, summon a protective astral animal (I've done this in ritual in a closed circle after meditating and ASKING for an astral protector).

8. Open all your windows.

9. Smudge. Light whichever stick speaks to you and walk clockwise from room to room. Make sure to get closets and underneath beds as well. Do your chant.

10. If you have a piece of obsidian place it under your mattress. If you have some Rue, place that in a dish under your bed.

11. When you are completely finished, leave an offering of food outside for the animals and pour some wine or milk into the ground for the Goddess.

Mother's Moon's Message said...

there is no better time for a good cleansing then the birthing of spring.....

Sending warm wishes your way. blessings to you and yours

Kim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joane said...

Prayers and blessings to you. I hope all goes well with your doctor appointments. Stay strong.
Joane

Lilac SilverFox said...

So sorry things are still so crazy for you, but no need to apologize. I have never done a house protection/blessing but Darkmoon seems to have an excellent set up for this from what little I've read as well. I hope it, and the protection spell helps you finally feel more at ease and that things begin to go smoothly again.

Lilac SilverFox said...

*Dark Mother, sorry LOL

grandmalee said...

I'm so sorry that things aren't getting any better for you & Ron yet. I hated having to wait so long for my disability to finalize, so I know how waiting for WC must be driving you nuts (no pun intended!). My thoughts & prayers will be with you during this time, and even if this is not your particular belief, I know it works for me and I'm more than happy to share my blessings with you. You are too special a person to be go through all of this. It definately took a lot of cleansing in my soul to get rid of the damage that my ex had done to me. I hope that you find your inner peace soon. It's hell believing that a dark cloud is following you, and even worse when a family member puts those thoughts there. Do whatever you need to do to get him out of your mind, and try not to dwell on the what ifs and should have beens. Focus on the here and now, and try to block any lingering thoughts. It took my crafting to bring me back to the here & now, so I hope you find the thing that will help rid yourself of these challenges. My heart is with you, and I hope you know that I am just an email away.
Love & BIG cyber hugs! MWAH!

Wendy said...

Really sorry you're going through such hell right now. Sigh...The sage sticks, well, either one are fine. One just might be "white sage" which is a particual kind of sage, but they both work. Just make sure when you light them (and I use an electric lighter as they need to be relit a lot) that you use something, whether it be a large shell or even a cup to catch the ash. And the intention is that the herb be used to cleanse and push out all the dark and negative energy. Don't forget to smudge yourself, dearest..Sending you lots of blessings and sending you healing thoughts.

Lynn Stevens said...

Oh hon, I'm so sorry to hear of all the turmoil in your life right now. It sounds like several have already answered your question about cleansing and in more detail than I could share. I pray you find all the answers your looking for and your life takes a turn for the better.
Blessings to you
Hugs Lynn

Sandy said...

Hi Susan.. thanks for your visit to my blog today and your nice comments.. you asked about 'watermarks'.. If you have windows 7 you can download (free) Windows Writer.. just google and find the download.. or use Photobucket web site.. up load your art into it and they have all sorts of little things to work and edit your photos...
Have fun!
Sandy
thewondersofdoing@blogspot.com