Farewell 2011

 Farewell 2011

 

As far as years go, you were ok. There were ups and downs, around this family, around many other families, and around the world. There were blessings, and tragedies.  In the news, there was the weird and weirder and many people behaving badly, lots of dirty laundry aired, and many reveling in it...the same disgusting habits we human kind do. This trend seems to get worse every year as I get older. I want to be my age, but 30 years ago.  You can't always get what you want, sometimes you get what you need.

While, I do not wear rose colored glasses, and know that there is far too much NEED in this world for it to ever be fulfilled. I do know, that in my own world I saw some changes that NEEDED to happen.

None of the bad things in my little world have been corrected, but for some reason, I am worrying less about them, still scared, and pensive but NOT worrying, and THAT was a HUGE change that NEEDED to happen.

For myself, I had lots of little blessings come along at JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT in time, to make me feel better, feel good, smile, laugh, feel wanted, liked, or even loved! I will say most of those came from YOU, my followers, my internet "acquaintances and friends". My son refers to you all as my "Imaginary friends" and that hurts, but that is what he does. THIS is the year, I don armor, and not let him get to me.

He shouldn't be here, but for various reasons, we need him here, sadly.

anyway...

To me, none of you are "imaginary" though, as a realist, I know that many of you are not  really real life "friends"(I wish we were all just around the block from each other), but you are friendly and caring, and at times interested in what I have to share,  or show. For this I am EXTREMELY GRATEFUL!

2011 was an epiphany year for me, I made complete and honest observations of my life, and those in it. I didn't hide or camouflage anything, and I came to understand some things, that will not change, not ever. Though I tried so hard for so long to make them change.  In the end, you can not change the behavior or others, you can either change how you react or just accept things. 

The hardest thing for me to NOT worry about is my home, and /or the thought of not having one.  It is becoming more and more evident that the hubs is going to have no choice but to retire, he is having times of confusion, and memory lapses, he is exhausted, he is 70.  If My Workers comp had settled, we MAY not have been put in this position, but even that is no guarantee. I am shocked that my injury was in April of 2005, I saw a lawyer in August, and here we are in January of 2012, and still no settlement.

Due to all of this, I am slowly trying to convince myself, that there may not be a choice of cutting our HUGE loss, and get rid of this house anyway we can. it is just so sad, as it was supposed to be my dream house. "according to the hubs"  too many projects sit unfinished. too many rooms without carpeting, or sheetrock, or a roof that seems to have a perpetual leak issue...this house IS under a water curse, I know it.

14 rooms, 5 acres. What should be a house worth 1/2 a mil, we may have to get rid of for 200K or less.

As I typed that, it became a little easier, and it may and I hope it does continue to become easier to think it is OK to let the house go.

THIS is the NEED that got filled, the NEED to let it go! let many things go!

This past year I became enlightened to some family matters, eh.

I also became enlightened on a new path of spirituality, it is not a solid path yet, but it is clearer than it has ever been before.

This year, as I stated earlier, YOU all managed to show up, at JUST THE RIGHT TIME. With a kind word, with a card in the mail, with a prize that I won, with something to share of value, and sometimes something to share of no value, but just joyous, silliness, laughter.

Therefore I toast 2011 a fond farewell, and welcome in 2012 with GREAT HOPE of more FULFILLED NEEDS for ALL OF US!

Happy New Year to all of you, May it be rife with good health, tokens of true love and affection, warmth of home, love of family, gifts a plenty in the friendship department, and many blessings be them great or small!