Thursday, April 28, 2011

Marvelous what a Mucha Mojito and a Vicodin will do...LOL (art too)

Seriously, tonight was a good night. the day was yuk, and I never thought I would make it to tonight but I did.
It has been very muggy here for the past 3 days, which is not good for my asthma. The A/C units are not in the windows yet. I was really hoping we could afford to have "through-the-wall-units" put in before this summer, HA!  I am a bit concerned though, because I have boxes and boxes of BRAND NEW envelopes out in the "POD". They will start sticking together. Anyway, the knee was painful today...the dampness?  just the knee's lack of cartilage? who knows, but the pain was bound to come back. As usual it is much worse after taking a shower, and My daughter and her boyfriend were coming down to go out to dinner with us. 

So Shower I did, AND she agreed she would help me with a project upstairs. My intention was to go up and come down only. so right before she got here I took a Vicodin, and it hadn't even kicked in by the time I went up the stairs, it was just starting by the time we came down.  We all went out to Applebee's in her new leased Nissan (royal blue-so petty) It was a "meet-the-new-BF" and a "celebration" dinner as she was given her own "Journey's" Shoe store to manage. She's only been with the company for about 7 months. Yes I really want her to go to college, but this is still a proud moment, in this economy for her to be moving up is a good thing. I had a "Mucha Mojito"  so therefore, I was in a good mood and not feeling the knee until I stood up and walked out of the restaurant.

Not to shadow her older sister, though she isn't a real part of my life right now, She is graduating from College, next Saturday(Ron and I are attending). I am very proud. Even though there have been issues causing much friction between us, most of the issues are her own, and she has had several rough years, so to me this is marvelous. The end of May she goes down for her interview and final steps before total acceptance into graduate school in Ft. Lauderdale, Fl. (Nova Southeastern University--same school my own niece went to). If the total acceptance goes through, she'll be starting classes down there the end of August.

I have no clue what is going on with my son, as so far he hasn't even kept his promise to his Dad to stay in touch to set up work times for the house, and the weather has been great for getting work done, shame. Also, since son isn't here to help, hubby is NOT pushing himself.

OK art time.

I am in a swap for a "Fairy Garden book" it is a chipboard book made by Maya Rd. (so cool) the front page is cut and the whole book is shaped like a picket garden gate. We are to make and swap 4 of the solid pages. I am in the midsts of making a few of these, so at least 2 can go in my Etsy shop, which I am feverishly working on inventory for.

2 of the pages are roughly the same, because I actually made 4-1 for me, 1 for a friend(Lynn) and 2 to swap, and then the other 2 are different.

 The "Rain Faerie" pages...Poem by me, piece of aqua crocheted doily, Bkgd. paper old pink and white roses paper by Provocraft, sprayed with aqua radiant rain. Diamond glaze used on her bubble. Copper, flat and 3D items all by K & co. Alphabet letters by Provo craft
 The backs are also old provo craft paper, flat, 3D and acetate items by K & co.
 The  short poem:

she rises from the deep blue
to bring the scent of the fresh
clean sea to you.

She rides atop a wet, shiny bubble
washing away all trouble.
gliding just above the ground,
she traverses the earth all around.

She brings all the dew and the rains
to the trees, grasses, flowers, and grains.

Proud member of the family of Fae,
she is an Earth Guardian.
~S, Guzy©2011
 ALL fairies from Alpha Stamps collage sheets
"Spring brings Blessings of Renewal"

Bkgd. paper by Pink Paislee (Butterfly garden set), leaf ribbon and brass bee from Alpha Stamps, all flat, 3D and copper items from K & co. Marvy Calligraphy pen. stickles (you can't see them for some reason)
 The back...bkgd. paper from K & co. and provo craft. Butterfly, 3D fern and vellum flowers by K & co.
 Bkgd. paper by K &co. vine stamp by Alpha stamps, Flower soft, and diamond glaze used on and around pond. brass dragonfly by Alpha stamps, 3D bird by K&co. red iridescent flowers by Skybluepink. "Once upon a time" by Crafty Secrets. Black German scrap by ARTchix. stickles (you can't see them for some reason)
The back. Bkgd. paper by 7 gypsies, fern by K & co. 3D moth by Pink Paislee, bird and nest from my own collection of images

Saturday, April 23, 2011

a bit of ART and update on Hubs, me etc

These are for a SPRING ATC swap (on one of my Fav. Yahoo groups--TheSumofAllATCs) is a 4/4 swap, I started out with 7, 4 for the swap, one for the hostess, one for me, and one for a friend, but I found myself making more (The hostess said I could send 2 sets)...LOL and I am still having ideas for more.

I will give some info on products used but I am not making it my mission.

I have lots to do, and Hubby still isn't quite himself, BUT we remembered he is on a new med...he was switched from zoloft to cymbalta, and started on 30mg, then he gets bumped up to 60mg (once a day at bedtime) We both think this may be where the fatigue is coming from, but it really doesn't explain the 2 incidents of nonsensical speech, or the recent issues with short term memory. HOWEVER, as hubby put it, both times of speech issues he was tired and doing the head bob in front of the TV, so who knows perhaps it is from the meds. 

Yet, it doesn't explain how he started up the stove and frying pan, and not remembering what he was going to cook, when I told him eggs, he said "yea, but what else- anything else?" That was tonight. Four nights ago, it was a commercial, he was done eating, I was still eating and both cats came in the LR from eating in the Kitchen, if we do not pick up their bowls the dog will finish off their I asked him to go pick up the cat bowls, and bring something back for me.  He got up, went into the kitchen, and I heard him say to himself, "what did I come in here for?" then he said; "oh, yea."  He brought me what i asked for but a little while later I went in the kitchen and both cat's bowls were still on the floor and both had been cleaned out by the dog.  

I am going to count the pills tomorrow, so we can see how many days he's been on the new pills, if it is longer than 2 weeks I am going to call the pharmacist and ask his opinion. We may have to call the doc on Monday, we'll see.

:::KNOCKING ON WOOD:::  For some reason, the last week or so, I have only had 2 bad days with my knee!! Thank the stars! The wrist has been bad though, and I have had fatigue, AND the Maple trees are starting with their buds, which means soon everything will be covered in yellow. The allergy attacks are starting already.  I have year round allergies, and deal with it year round, but of course certain times of the year are MUCH WORSE.  I have been going outside a little bit each day, walking to the mailbox and back, playing with the dog, and even starting small on spring yard clean up.  SADLY, I did NOT get to do my house cleansing ritual this past full moon again, Sunday was way too windy to have candles lit outside, Monday night hubby was falling asleep. If I didn't need help getting around (uneven ground) the house I wouldn't care. So I am aiming for May's Full moon.  I do have a question for any of my experienced witchy friends (you can email if you do not want to post here)  How do I  hold a smudge, shell, fan, and my incantation with only 2 hands, not to mention waving the smoke with the feather fan, and collecting the ashes with the shell?

Ok...on with the art>>> these were all scanned, so the 3D items made the lighting off, sometimes the colors are off a bit also, sorry

 above one for the swap, one for a friend (what appears more reddish, is actually more pinkish) A & B
 Both of the above I am keeping C & D
 both above for the swap E & F
 Both the above are for swap, of which the hostess can choose one for herself. G & H
 Both for the swap. I & J
Both for the swap. K & L

B,D,E & H all the same bkgd. paper- very old Pink(a very shades of) and White roses by Provocraft. I spritzed it with blue lagoon Radiant Rain.
A,C,F &G all the same Bkgd. paper also very old Provo craft.
I,J,K, & L all use paper from "Once  upon a springtime" by Graphic 45 or from Pink Paislee's "Butterfly Garden"

A-- Once upon a springtime paper, B-- 7Gypies's Conservatory paper pad + misc. vellum quote that I ripped into pieces and the aco-friendly image from magazine
C-- "once upon a springtime" from it's pad, "reflection" from a Curious by Design collage sheet, all others from ARTchix collage sheets, D-- all images from ARTchix, misc flower and brad
E-- Post mark and Tag from the punch out sheet "Once upon a springtime" by Graphic 45, quote and small butterflies image by ARTchix, F--all images from "Once upon a spring time" -Graphic 45, words from old children's book, Prima mini flowers
G--Tag and post mark-"Once upon a spring time" punch out sheet by Graphic 45, words from old children's book, butterfly from ARTchix and  the insect band image from  "Vintage Post Card Fairies"collage sheet by AlphaStamps, H-- Feather and the "13" block is from 7 Gypsies' conservatory paper pad, the postmark is from "Once upon a spring time" punch out by Graphic 45, words from ARTchix, misc. flower and brad
I-- Bkgd. and corner papers-"Once upon a springtime" by Graphic 45, 3D leaf and butterfly by K & co.
german scrap daisy by Alpha Stamps, J-- Floral paper from OUAS by Graphic 45, bottom striped and floral paper from Pink Paislee's Butterfly Garden paper pad, Framed bird from 7 Gypsies' Conservatory paper pad, Ranger "Rock Candy" crackle paint, german scrap daisy by Alpha Stamps
K-- paper from OUAS by Graphic 45, german scrap daisy by Alpha Stamps, all images; flat and 3D by 
K & co., L-- Bkgd. paper OUAS by Graphic 45, along with the bkgd. paper behind the rectangular floral image; that image I BELIEVE is from ARTchix (raised on foam tape) flowers misc. mini color glazed roses

All German scrap borders from either ARTchix or Collage Stuff.  Also used, Diamond glaze and Gold paint pen. all comments welcome.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Ok...BACK to the 30 days of truth...

Please see that page :) it is day 9, you'll need to scroll down, if you choose to leave a comment, start your comment with  "Comment for day 9" as the page is set up with only one comment section, I do not know how to get it to allow separate posts and separate comments .
Thanks, Susan

Monday, April 18, 2011

Am I a villain?

I was just over at Witchy Godmother's

it was story day. The story touched on something I think about OFTEN.

Here is exactly what I posted to the comment section:

"I seem to spread it(gloom and depression-edit to add in case you do not want to read her story) just by sharing what is going on in my daily life. It has caused me to kind of not post to FB or to my blog much. There is nothing NEW or GOOD in my life right now to share. it has been a ridiculously bad winter for us (if you have been to my blog at all) and that is on top of my normal crappy life.

I know it is hard to not tell people the sad and bad, but if you have nothing else, how do you have conversations? how do you post, how do you reach out? This story is good, but unfortunately it made me feel like I am a villain and I am really not."

Then I told her I was just sharing, and that the story gave me pause.

It does give me pause. I noticed like 2 weeks ago or so I was up to 222 followers, and a couple of days later it was back to 221 (which it had been for a while)yesterday it was at 218. It seems to be 3 of my newer followers one older.  Did I do that? Do I scare people away, because I talk about my  health issues, physical short-comings (due to injuries), depression & anxiety, or family troubles? Am I the spreader of gloom and depression?....A VILLAIN? I try so hard not to be.

I have numerous times said I was not going to allow my Oldest daughter near me again, as she ALWAYS, and I mean always starts out nice (it is almost like a trap) and then once again starts to rip me up one side and down the other....Well she called a week or so ago to tell me that her graduation from college is May 7, she had already informed me of the milestone, but didn't know the date. She told me she only had 6 tickets. she has 2 sets of parents, and 2 grandmothers (though she has many times told me, and others that MY mother is not her grandmother because Nana (and Pop-pop) moved to Florida for 11 years of her life, and therefore was a stranger) she said, "well I only have two to offer this side of my family". I said ok. I basically thought it was hands-down Ron and I. (her MAIN set of parents, I had Custody) then she went on to tell me she invited her brother. I said ok then, ask your sister and that will be the 2 tickets I was in a good mood, i didn't let this get to me, though I would think parents would gets dibs before siblings. She got highly agitated and said "Why do you always have to bring up Amanda?"  I said well it makes logical sense that since you already invited the one sibling from this family, you would invite the other. "No, mother, and you know I am do not have any%$#@& thing to do with her." I said well, I am having nothing to do with your brother since he threatened my life. "Oh he did not, your exaggerating." I said plus he is in  Philly, are you going to pick him up? she had no answer. I said ok, what about Ron and I? she hesitated with an aaaaa. I said nevermind, have Tom get transportation here, and then you can donate your ticket to another family or your sister from your Dad's family can bring her boyfriend. She let out a long string of expletives and was overall nasty, so I hung up a week later she decided to call me being all sweetness and sunshine again, and now it was, "mom, you come, and I'll donate the other ticket."  I told her I wouldn't go without Ron or Amanda, as sometimes I can not drive due to taking a vicodin, and nor did I want to go by myself.  She let out a heavy sigh, and then said "You are impossible."  How was I being impossible?
she informed me she had to go. 2 days later I get a call from my ex-husband telling me, if I need a ride, I can go with them. Like I was going to do that. then she got made at me, telling me that I always had to abandon her and put my needs first because i would rather not go, then be in the vehicle with my ex, his wife and his mother and be stuck with them longer as they were going out to dinner etc. That Man used to beat  and choke me, he choked me with one hand while holding her on his hip with his other arm when she was about 22 months old. His mother KNEW all along he was violent, as her husband was and never warned me. There is more to the x and daughter scene then I wish to discuss right now. There was just no way. Ok 3 nights ago, she shows up here with the 2 tickets and a map of the campus. "I guess you can come with Ron", she that made him feel good. I didn't say a word, Ron and I just looked at each other, she ended up , eating some of our dinner and hung out for a while, which was nice, and I completely stayed pleasant throughout the 2 weeks.

2night ago she spots me on FB, and starts a chat, hi,  hi etc small talk. then she quickly turned it to the same old crap she keeps dredging up from the past. This has been my stand for almost 4 years now... #1, we all have some issues with our parents, we all have some baggage, #2 what is in the past is in the past, it is done and over with, #3 it can not be changed, #4 agree to disagree and start fresh. SHE KNOWS that is my stand, my terms, whatever. (even her own cousins older and wiser than she, have tried to tell her #1-3, the one cousin, a wise woman, an attorney told her, 1-3 AND "you accept your parents for who they are, or you don't and cut all ties, it is up to you"  NO< not my April, she just has to keep digging at crap.
well after almost 2 hours of her chewing me up. I got off FB, but not before copying and pasting the entire conversation.  I have FOLDERS of crap from my daughter. I did not tell Ron any of it, as I want the dust to settle, but we may not be going to her graduation. we went to see my mom today, I didn't tell her anything about it, why upset her.  But she knows about the graduation, and she knows what April's plan is to get her masters at LEAST and be a family counselor...which is basically a joke among most of the family, as we all think she needs help, so how could she possibly help others?

MY POINT is any other mother would be crushed by the possibility of not being able to celebrate such a milestone with her child.  I am learning how to start keeping the negative away, even if as April said to me the other night "have fun dying alone." so even if I end up alone (I am basically there right now anyway) isn't it better to keep out as much negativity as possible, and try to bring myself back to the upbeat person I used to be?  I do NOT want to be the villain, the spreader of gloom and depression!!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

sharing something OTHER than bad news...a little ART

Here are some recent ATCs that I have made for swaps.

windows swap: the card opens, and I wanted to get as close to the view from my Apt. when living in Center City- Phila, PA for this swap. I used crinkle fabric, and a fancy pin to make a window treatment, a peel-off window over a transparency.

 Inside I used a brick wall stamp, and free doodled some vines, and added a picture (the view) of city hall with William Penn high Atop.  My actual view included city hall but it also included liberty one, liberty two and the PSE&G bldg. At night with all the lights it was a phenomenal view.
Here is a citizen's telling of the legend/myth? of the William Penn on City hall, and the height of bldgs. in Philadelphia.

These are for the Renaissance fair swap. All the girls are from a collage sheet by "Curious by design" called "Victorian Girls"...obviously a misnomer as clearly these are Renn. girls. The backgrounds I choose were from "Dezina World" and "Ceremony Share". the words were on the collage sheet with the girls. They are all elevated on foam tape. I used german scrap, stickles, distress stickles, liquid pearls and crushed velvet flocking (on the kerchief of "Hope"). "Unwavering" I kept for myself, the others were swapped.

Update on me and hubby

I did call the ambulance people, and explained that he is refusing to go to the hospital. They told me, if they come out here, and he refuses to go even with them, they can not force him, unless he comes across as totally incompetent of making decisions. I told them, he knew my birthday, he knew our daughters birthday but not year, he stumbled on what year it is for just a second, and he knew who was president, how many fingers I was holding up, and who he was.  The guy told me, that under those terms he was competent, so they would not be able to force him to go. He said they couldn't even force him to let them do small tests as BP etc. So I told them nevermind.  Ron is a completely stubborn jackass when it comes to his health.

When he was having his major Heart Attack in 2001, he waited 6 hours before waking me, and tell him, he thinks we better go to the hospital. When he had the 2nd smaller heart attack 5 days later, he still tried the denial bullshit, but He gave in after 30 minutes.

(He was shocked when they did all the stuff, and told him yes it was another heart attack...after going through this PLUS the loss of his brother from a massive heart Attack that sent a clot to his brain, giving him a major stroke leaving him Brain dead in would think, he'd be more diligent, but no)

I didn't go to my WC Doc appt. across the state yesterday, or my mammo and US. I awoke at 4am in severe pain with my knee, I took 4 Ibuprophen (knowing I had to get up in 2.5 hours)  I never fell back asleep, and just as Ron was waking me (he thought I was sleeping) I ended up with a nasty leg cramp in the other leg. I couldn't walk. plus I was still worrying about Ron. I decided not to go. By mid day I was very nauseous and still in a lot of pain with the knee (even after vicodin and reglan) I called and cancelled my imaging appts.  My Attorney's office was angry at me for cancelling, I was told "even if they need to bring me by stretcher" I can not miss the new one they give me, or even try and change the time or day.
These are doctors and lawyers that deal with sick and injured people...where is the understanding??? Oh and check this... she said the "Hospital's Attorney may tell that Doctor's office to push off my appt. for a while", as in purposely delay it, therefore delaying my case. Can you believe that? So, no understanding for being in severe pain, and then they play a revenge game like a little kid. I said to the paralegal, well that certainly isn't professional, she said perhaps not, but they can still do it.  Well F**K them! Unbelievable, I do not understand people sometimes...oh also...this same doctor's office, reported to my lawyer a month ago (when I was haggling over the time of the appt.) That I cursed at her. (the conversation was a voice mail, and we had been playing phone tag, which I said I was tired of playing phone tag, and that I hoped she would just call me back with a later time (leave it on my machine), instead of this phone-tag "crap".
ARRRRRRGH!   since when is crap a curse?

Ron went to work today, and came home without incident. However, he is very calm and is not talking much...not sure what that means. what little bits of conversation we had since his coming home, and his going to bed, where normal.  Our son, contacted by my oldest daughter, called here today to tell me he is aware of the situation, and he will be here sometime Saturday,  and will see whats what during what he hopes will be a conversation at length, and if he notices any of the speech issues I witnessed two nights ago, he will try to get him to go with him to the ER, but he is not forcing him.  This MAY work, as Tom hates hospitals,  goes only when he has no recourse and doesn't like to even visit other folks in the Hospital. So if Tom is saying "I think you need to go to the hospital" to Ron. That may show Ron how serious it is. Personally, I am thinking he had what most people call a "mini-stroke"  aka...TIA--Transient ischemic attack. However, even if that was the case, that is a major warning sign.

Please continue your thoughts, prayers, candles etc. (still looking for a good. simple protection spell, if anyone knows one)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I so hate to ask for prayers, candles good energy etc again but...

I find myself in need again. :(

I think my hubby had a small stroke last week and possibly another yesterday afternoon...or what a lay person calls "mini strokes" ...TIAs..."Transient Ischemic Attacks"   He has been having Balance issues on and off for a few months but this past week it is more often than not...he even admits to that. What he is NOT admitting to, is the talking problems, it is some form of aphasia...he is wanting to say something, and it comes out totally different making no sense at all...small example:  he wanted to ask me this evening "when are you starting dinner" (I know cause he asks that all the time)  but instead he asked me when I was starting the laundry. (the laundry is done)

Then while we were watching a show he asked me to tape (swamp people...alligator hunters in LA on the history channel)  during the show, the narrator referred to one of the guy's sons-Bradley... all of a sudden he went off on a tangent about "Bradless, and how he used to go to Robert Hall first" (both small chains of stores out here, dead and long dead) When I asked him what he was talking about he said  "some woman" i said what woman?  now angry he said, "you know she brought over the lawn mower, and scraps, and left us some paper work"  I said no, i don't know, where did the woman come from?' clearly agitated he said  something, something K-mart"  I said  what about K-mart? he said "NO, clean your ears out I said Walmart, bought the wrong line, she bought 30 pound test, you know regular mono-filament fishing line." I said Ronnie, look at me, do you hear what you are actually saying, we need to get you some help,  he brushed me away with his hand and said please (it did this a few times) then he said: " She is in the crawl space, I told her to get out that it is going to rain, but she didn't listen" meanwhile he is pointing to the guys on the boat on his swamp people show.
I said Ron, this isn't anything to monkey around with, I think you might have had a stroke. Please let me take you to the ER (which I have been suggesting all along this period, and for a while yesterday)
he stood up, and said"well, that's my cue, I'm going to bed"  this is something he has said on numerous occasions.    I am sooo worried about him, and I do not know how to make him go to get checked out...they would need to do a CT scan on his brain.  I have word out to both my girls to try and speak with my son, as I think he is the one person, that might be able to coax Ron into going to get checked out.

he took tomorrow off as we have to drive across the state again for me to see another WC doc for the Hospital, and I am having 2 tests in the afternoon, back closer to home...Mammo and Pelvic US.
I hope nothing happens to him during the night or while we are out tomorrow as it will just be the 2 of us.

Nothing has ever happened like this before. Ok, his having a heart attack, but I mean, he's never had any weird stuff like this. This has me very scared and worried.

I wish this dark cloud would leave us already...

Thanks to the great info Dark Mother gave me in a previous post I am going to do a full cleansing of our home on this coming full moon, and also try a protection spell for both of us...Ron has given me permission, and he will help me with the cleansing spell. (I can't walk around the outside of the house alone at night...uneven ground and my knees and cane don't mix) he'll catch the ashes from the smudge.  I am almost done gathering ingredients, time is getting away from me.

Can anyone help with a SIMPLE protection spell for us both from all things especially family crap, stress and health related things?

Friday, April 8, 2011

Family Dynamics..., a spinning top, firecrackers, a black hole, the domino effect??

Hello friends, I am so sorry I have not been around. Truly, I am sorry that I have had no motivation, no inspiration, no muse, no feelings of anything.  My depression has me in it's grip tightly, and I have yet to find a new psychiatrist (in network, within driving distance) my "one time only" bottle of anti-depressants that my PCP prescribed is running low, and I have been skipping a dose here and there. I know that is not a good thing, but I gotta do, what i gotta do.  I mean I really hate posting this, but at the same time, most of you I consider only friends. so I feel I need to talk about it. I mean seriously I've been spending days at a time in my PJs. Not doing anything, ANYTHING. I sleep a lot, I have been nauseous a lot, and I've been getting a lot of fact that is scaring me a bit, as they start out with very sharp, hot stabbing sensations either starting at the top of my head or coming in from the side, like the temples, and come out thru my eyes. THEN it becomes a throbbing headache that lasts for a few hours. At first it was come and go, but now for over 10 days it has been happening daily. However, ever since finding out my ANAs are +(which means inflammation), I've been taking 800 mg of Ibuprophen 2-3 times a day...I was taking it twice in 24 hours before in place of Celebrex which I am boycotting (as it has been more than 17 years...therefore there should be a Generic) so I upped it to every 8 hours.(for the inflammation)
Additionally, my one knee and wrist/hand have been in a LOT of pain lately, so my Vicodin intake has been at least once a day, sometimes twice.   SOOO, I've been thinking perhaps the headaches are "rebound headaches", which is better than thinking I have a brain tumor. LOL (or perhaps not so LOL) Tuesday I am having my pelvic US and my mammo done. seeing my PCP on the 20th and having an ekg done. On the 25th I am having endoscopy to check my esophagus and stomach.

I found a Rheumatologist, a bit of a drive, but not too bad, I see him on May 5th. HURRAY! maybe I'll get some answers.  I have had days here and there where my whole body has hurt like when you have the flu, I am thinking that is an FM flare?? anyone-- confirm that?

OK, so I think my depression is so bad because of my family, you already know about my son.
However that is not all. Anyone out there have a sibling, that ALL of their life they act like they are the only ones that can do anything right, they have to be the ones that run things, the boss, etc.?

Well, I can be like that myself sometimes but my older sister (9 years older) has been like that her entire life. It only took 2 visits for my first hubby to see it, and 3 for my present hubby to see it, and he has clashed with her numerous times over it. I have only had a few small clashes, as she is my sister and I feel, that is how she is.(OH, at one of the yearly Xmas parties, I USED to hold, some of my friends even asked me what's up with your sister, she is like telling people where to sit etc.)

However, she has also done some things in her life concerning me or my family, that I and my Dad, Mom and whoever else knew about it, has bit their tongue. My hubby, refuses to spend time with her, and has done so for many years unless it is a funeral or something. (I can give a really good example, shall I?)

Recently, my mother was admitted to the hospital, she called me right after getting settled in her room. I won't go into the entire conversation,  but the highlights are:

Mom:  Susan, I'm in the hosp.

me:  why, what happened?

Mom:  I felt weak and then fell over at home (there was more to the story here)

me: What are the doctors saying?

Mom: the ER doctor kept saying Heart failure, heart failure, the nurse said I had fluid around my heart, in my lungs.

Me: What else did the doctor say, and what did they give you?

Mom: The doctor said heart failure, CHF...I know the HF is for heart failure but I can not remember what the C is for. The nurse said they gave me medicine that will make me urinate a lot to get rid of the fluid.

me: the C stands for Congestive

Mom: oh...Congestive Heart failure, your dad had that a few times. (she then went on to explain to me how bad her sinuses have been and I told her it is not that kind of congestive)

me: yea, so that medicine will help, when will you see your doctor?

Mom: they said perhaps later today, but I think the morning.

me: OK, you go get your rest and I will check in with you tomorrow.

OK, so...what would you gather from that conversation?  
Did I diagnose her?

I gathered that my mom had Congestive Heart Failure. But I never actually told her that, I know, not to come right out and tell my mother things, as...I know my mother, and when she is tired or scared she gets things twisted.  She is 84.5. She has all her faculties but still, and when you put an elderly person in the hospital they tend to get what is commonly called "Hospital confusion". I worked with the elderly for over 10 years as a nursing assistant. YES, I do know a lot of medical stuff, being a CNA for so long, studying to be a nurse before switching to imaging. I MAY advise people sometimes of what question to ask their doctors, or what tests may be helpful, but I do NOT diagnose.

Later that night I went on FB and posted as my status about my mom, and asked for prayers candles and healing energy. I got a lot of responses from HS classmates and art friends. 3/4 down the list my niece posted: "Luckily Aunt Susan, you are wrong and she doesn't have Congestive heart failure, she had an episode of A-fib, they adjusted her pacemaker and she'll be coming home tomorrow.  You really should not use your own medical knowledge to diagnose people. get the facts, before scaring and worrying people." (She didn't know ANYONE that had posted, and totally embarrassed me to the friends that had a chance to read it, at least those 2, maybe others. what was the point, except to be passively malicious?)

there were 2 other posts wishing my mom well after that. at first I responded to my niece's post, then decided to just delete it.

I then went to my email ( a few hours later), where there was an email from my sister and one from the same niece.

the one from my sister was very condescending, telling me how I need to talk to the doctors and stop diagnosing people myself. That all I was doing was worrying the family needlessly etc. etc. Very passive-aggressive.(BTW it was a broadcast email to her 2 daughters, one granddaughter and me)

I totally was not in the mood for yet another one of her "you are not worthy lessons" that only she could get the information. (I didn't call anyone or email anyone, I just posted to my this came from my niece)

I totally lost it, and told my sister off, letting her hear all the stuff I knew about her concerning me, that she didn't think I knew.( in a reply to all emails) I told her everyone else had been right about her all along, she is a bitch.
That even our father thought so...that must have stung, seeing how she was always Daddy's girl.
Some of the info I knew, I even posted to my nieces in this email, did you know that about your mom?(having to do with her treatment of me and my children over the years)

I brought up a lot of stuff, it felt good to get it out.

My niece's email was basically a reply to her mom's but she also replied to all, and again it oozed with passive-aggressiveness.  Thanking my sister for getting her facts straight, as she "wanted to keep baby boy right where he was for the next 3 weeks (pregnant) I was so worried, and didn't need the extra stress"....why not just reply to her mom...because she had to get that dig in to I right?

So I replied back to her, that "PUHLEEZE, if she was so concerned about Nana, she could have called the hospital, and that that being concerned over Nana, would not cause pre term labor...and that she only included me in that email to be passive-aggressive like her mom."

Know this:  My sister does not love our mother, she only takes care of her because she made a promise to our father to take care of her. She has told this to me, right to my face.  Most of the time for stuff, she sends her husband over to my mom's...they do not visit, except on holidays. They have only taken Mom to Dad's burial place (urn) once, since his memorial service.  Dad is now gone 6 years.  They live 20 minutes from my mom, I am almost 2 hours away and the military cemetery is half way between my mom and us.

My sister also said in the email that they would be bringing home Nana later in the daughter took Nana home.

SO....the result, of me finally telling my sister off:  no reply one way or another from her, and a "cut- off" from my one niece..."for all the nasty things you said"...sorry if you can't accept the truth about your mom.(oh they both well know of her over bearing nature and her bossiness, and both have had their times where she weren't talking, but I unveiled some of her maliciousness)  The other niece was already estranged from me, as she has made one bad decision after another, costly to her kids and an entire community. I, unlike other people in the family, have told her so, instead of talking behind her back.

Even though, I did NOT tell one lie, just as I did NOT diagnose my mother, I merely went by what she was telling me.  She did tell my sister that what she told me, & was replied to by me as, "That sounds like congestive heart failure mom."(since those were NOT my words to her...I have also now told the entire family I will only speak to my mother thru emails, so there is proof of what was said, and because she can NOT hear on the phone at all) as I was saying even though, I KNOW I am NOT the one in the wrong here, it still hurts to be held as the bad guy in the family.  My children for the most part are ok with all of this, the oldest is hoping for a letter of recommendation from the pregnant niece(an attorney) for Grad. school, so she is only upset about that, but I told her, that one has nothing to do with the other.  My youngest daughter who now lives up there, went to see my sister one day a few months back, wanting to know why she keeps her and her siblings out of get-togethers just cause she isn't speaking to her siblings... she side stepped it. when my daughter asked what is going on between her and "my mom" (ME) reply

She called me later and told me, what the older daughter told me many times, and my son..."Aunt Barbara really is a bitch." brother is not speaking to anyone, nor has he for almost 6 years. My son recently threatened me, because I caught him in a lie, and proved it to his Dad, who he thought he had buffaloed. My oldest daughter's relationship with me is still strained, as well with her step-dad, her father and step-mom--she holds all of us responsible for everything that has gone wrong in her life, but for bonus points, she holds me more responsible. My sister who has basically been not talking to me for a while, is REALLY not going to talk to me now. As both of her daughters.

This is NOT how I was raised, our extended family was always kind of close, as well as the immediate family for the most part. it is not how it was growing up, and all the Aunts and Uncles and cousins getting together. I miss that a lot. All the aunts and Uncles are gone now except for my mom. I miss my brother, who used to be a lot of fun, and I always looked up to him. Once he became "born-again" he changed, and then years later, my SIL changed for the worse, really weird, mean, under-handed and strange, and since then, my brother also changed again for the worse, and then he just decided he was cutting us all off. 

What I am seeing  now in my family, is what my husband's family was like when I met him, and I thought it was so alien to not be speaking with one's sibling or parent. (though now, in hindsight I see why he cut himself off from his mother, and having her in our lives, and living with us, for the most part was a horrible experience)  I am grateful that his brother came out for a visit before she died, and the 2 brothers got to bond, it was nice, but the Fates are cruel, and his brother died 6 months later. so We are and have been the only family my hubby has.  Ron's Dad died before he and I even met, his brother was his only sibling, and his son in San Diego is more like a distant, semi pen-pal. (That breaks my heart, as my own kids break my heart)

I have my youngest daughter and my hubby (mom too) but that is it, and no RL friends, so can you now see why in addition to the chronic pain and other stuff I have been in a very dark place?

Anyone else have similar family dynamics?